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Lucy Lately

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“Look at the mountains. This is like a dream come true.”

Pulling away from the airport gate: “Now we’re talking!”

“Mom. Don’t you wish we had a robot that did all our chores so that you and me could play Barbies all day!?”

“Lucy! You did a great job at your first swim class!”
“I do what I can.”

“Do you wish everybody in the world was Captain Hook so that nobody would have to clean their rooms!? [Before I have time to answer.] Me too.”

“Thanks, Siri. You’re the best robot friend I’ve ever had.”

“Lucy. Stop. What are you doing to your brother!?”
“Nothing. I’m just pretending he’s my puppy.”

“It’s like the mailman doesn’t care about kids who like Legos, and animals, and toys.” [On days when a magazine or toy ad doesn’t come.]

[On completing a “History of Me” worksheet for school.]
“Where were you born?”
“St. Louis, Missouri.”
“Good! What country?”
“Mizzou country?”
Yep.

[After he gets hurt.]
“Landon I have some good news. I’m kind of a doctor.”

“Daddy, what does diva mean?”
“Well. [asks Siri] Siri says it’s someone who might get too much attention and cries when they don’t get what they want. Lucy, I think you might have a little diva in you…”
“Let’s never speak of this again.”

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Lucy Lately

I put this picture up on Instagram today and it reminded me that I haven’t done one of these in a while. This kid makes me laugh SO much. All the time. She likes to ask what I love about her and it’s so hard to choose just a few things. But- her spirit and sense of humor are definitely at the top of the list. She brings joy everywhere she goes.

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And then she said, “Mom. Did you vote for Jesus for King?”

“I’m making something that’s too incredible. It’s going to knock your eyes off.”

Me: “Don’t tell, it’s a secret.”
Lu: ” [whispering] Okay. I’m going to put it into a secret closed area.” [zips her lips]

“Mom. I need Cohen to watch the show I’m putting on, not be engaged in it.”

Lu: “Let’s have a contest to see who can put their shoes on the fastest.”
[I win.]
“Well. The rules say you have to be four to win.”

Lucy: “Mom. Smell my breath!”
[from across the room.]
Me: “Peeee yoo. Stinky.”
Lucy: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Mmhmm.”
Lucy: “That’s weird ’cause I just brushed last night. I think all the toothpaste escaped!”

[Making her a sunbutter and jelly sandwich.]
“Mom. May I have the honor of putting the two pieces of bread together?”

Lu: “Hm. That’s weird.”
Me: “What’s weird?”
Lu: “My wish didn’t come true.”
Me: “What did you wish for?”
Lu: “I wished I would become a fairy. Maybe it just takes a long time for wishes to come true.”

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He’s been super fussy so she prayed, “Jesus, please help Cohen get teeth.” This morning his two bottom teeth popped through! So we start talking about answered prayers and she says, “I can’t believe God hears my prayers! I’m asking for a baby sister next. Sorry Cohen!”

“Is it so weird that in Jesus’s day they wore flip flops!?”

“I am a queen! And I oppose my own policies!”

“There’s a bug in the car. But I don’t know if I’m dreaming it.”

Cheerleaders: “Defense push ’em back, sack that quarterback!”
Lu: “Did they just say Jesus?”

Lu: “So did you ever hear of the cow that had a hundred chickens?”
Me: “No?”
Lu: “That’s because it didn’t happen! Bahahahahaha.”

“Oh, Mom. You look so pretty when your hair falls in your face… Oh and now you’re back to normal.”

Lu: “Anyone heard that a mountain grows? Anyone heard that leaves fall?”
Chuck: “Have you ever heard about the kid who ate all their vegetables?”
Lu: “That sounds terrible.”

Shopping isn’t really my thing. I’m a kid.

[Chuck adjusting the radio]
Lu: “Dad, can you turn it to my jam?”

“Dear Jesus. Please help me to never grow up and have babies so I don’t have to have shots and get hurt.”

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Lucy Lately

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Me: “Lucy, you need to get your attitude in check.”
Lu: “Okay, Mama, my attitude is on crack.”

[filling up ice trays]
Lu: “Why are you making icebergs?”

“You know that yesterday a long time ago?”

“Oh Christmas Tree, oh Christmas Tree. Oh how you make me royalty.”

[She has a hard time with cliche-type phrases.]
Let the show be on. 
Let’s put this party on the road. 
That ice cream really hit the day. 
Did you grow up on a farm!? [Were you raised in a barn?]
Okay, people, I want all your eyeballs on me. 

Oh no my arms are stuck. You have to stay in my bed all night. Okay you can go. If you turn on my nighttime song and don’t make too much noise, I’ll let it slip. 

Landon presses the button and the Siri double beep sounds. 
“He’s talking to that robot that you guys talk to sometimes.”

Siri: “I’m really sorry about this, but I can’t take any requests right now. Please try again in a little while.”

Knock, knock. 
Who’s there?
Candy Crush!
Candy Crush who?
Candy Crush Baker!

Lu: “I am a magic wish-granting fairy; what do you wish?”
Me: “I wish for a house that always stays clean.”
Lu: “Can you wish a fun wish? Like, ‘I wish Lucy never had to play alone?’ You know, like a kid wish I can give with the dip of my wand.”

Lu: “Mom. Do you want to play destiny unicorn princess? It’s only for superhero girls but you’re on the guest list.”

Lu: “This is the sword of destiny!! [Holds up Dora the Explorer hockey stick.] … Ooooh. A rainbow.”

Lu: “You’re a mom, so that means you can do anything. Right?”

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Lucy Lately

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[While watching Busytown Mysteries]
Pig Will and Pig Won’t walk across the screen.
“Those two, always arguing.”

Lucy: “Mom, do you think Dad will take us to eat at The Buffet?”
Me: “The buffet? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Lucy: “You know the place with the slide and the chicken that doesn’t make me sick.”
Me: “Do you mean Chick-fil-a?”
Lucy: “Yeah, that’s what I said.”
[Same number of syllables! Say it fast!]

Lucy: “Who’s going to make me a card!?”
Me: “You don’t get a card, silly, it’s Mother’s Day!”
Lucy: “Well, when is kid’s day?”

“Landon! We get to go to kindlegarten where we’ll watch a bunch of shows.”

“Mom, can you let Cassie’s mom know that we won’t be able to go to their house today because I missed the opportunity to choose good behavior?” [She IS listening!]

“Landon, do you want to crush some candy with me?”

[Talking of a little boy, who is a friend.]
“Do you mean his mommy is the only one who gets to kiss him!?
[Gulp. Jesus take the wheel.]

“Cohen, do you want to sit on a Lucy chair? I won’t drop you!”

[In Whole Foods.]
Lucy: “Baaaaaah! The conveyor belt ate my crackers. I’m never going to get crackers again. [Literally crying. Literally.]”
Cashier: “Rough morning?”
Me: “I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Cashier: [Raises eyebrows.]
Me: “Oh I’m sorry. I was talking to her. Yeah, I guess she’s having a rough morning.”
Lucy: “Ooooooh, I searched for those crackers and picked them out and carried them through the store and the conveyor belt just ate them! What am I going to do!? I’m staaaaaaaarving! I’m so hungry. I’m staaaaaaaarving!”
Me: “Do you mean these crackers?”
Lucy: “Oh. Cool. Thanks, mom.”

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Lucy Lately

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“I win! I finished my hot dog first! I win other things, too. Like championships. And bingo places. And breakfast, dinner, and lunch of course!”

“Pretty please with sweet cream on top?”

“Barbie, you just gotta be yourself. Everyone will like you.”

Me: “You guys have been getting up from the table before you’re finished eating and we need to practice better table manners. So when you get up from lunch today I’m going to take your plate and assume you’re all done.”
[five minutes later]
Lucy: “So I said to myself, ‘Stay in your seat!'”

[giving her a hug]
“Don’t squeeze too hard, you’ll break all my bones.”

“Mom. I was looking at Mimi’s house the other day [when we were facetiming] and I saw that her [yep] has a lot of blank walls so I made her this picture of our family. Oh, and I put it in a frame.”

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Me: “Lucy, do you want to pray for dinner?”
Lucy: “Yes. Jesus, please let tomorrow be Valentine’s day.”
Me: “Why don’t you try praying for other people instead of just something you want. Maybe pray for some of your friends.”
Lucy: “Jesus, please let tomorrow be Valentine’s day so my friends can have it.”

“I don’t want to go outside it’s too cold. [Touches window.] Yes, it’s too cold. [Is forced by her mother to go outside.] It’s not too cold [It was 57]. It’s summer. Let’s go to the beach. I’ll watch your kindle in the car. We can build sandcastles. It’s summmmmmmmmer.”

[We recently had a wind storm and lost our internet connection for the night. We don’t have cable.]
Lucy: “Mom, can I watch a show after dinner?”
Me: “No, we don’t have any internet so shows won’t work on the kindle.”
Lucy: “Oh, I’ll go get the plug [power cord]. I can fix it and make the shows come back.’
[Chuck and I spend most of the night trying to explain how the internet works to a four-year-old.]

[Sitting at breakfast. Early. Very early.]
“Mom, do you like to eat? I like to eat. I like carrots and that orange stuff you made for my birthday [butternut squash]. I like pasta. I really like pasta with cheese. I like it when you make me bread pizza. I like pancakes. When I’m a mom I’m going to learn how to make pancakes so I can teach Daddy. But I don’t like soup. But I like chicken and hotdogs… [This went on for 5 or 10 more minutes.] Mom, how come you’re not talking very much? [Forrest.Gump.]

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Lucy Lately

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“I’m gonna watch this Barney so I can help Buddy learn his imagination.”

“Landon, you can’t push me into the potty. If you push me into the potty everyone will miss me.”

[To the tune of ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’] “Myyyyyyyyyy golden rings!”

——
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…

Hm. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

We should pray for him, Jesus.”
——

“Jesus, I love this dinner. Amen. I love myself. Amen. Help Cohen. Amen.”

L: “Do you like my dance?”
B: “Yes.”
L: “Thanks. I learned it at high school.”

L: “Mama, when I’m a mommy I’m going to get email.”
B: “Cool. Hehe. That’s funny.”
L: “But right now I just don’t like the way it tastes.”
B: “Huh? I don’t understand. Oh, did you mean oatmeal?”
L: “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

L: “Mom. Do you wish I was a polar bear in the snow?”
B: “Yes. Because then you could play outside and you wouldn’t get cold.”
L: “Would you like to play my polar bear game later?”
B: “Um, sure. How do you play?”
L: “Alright. We’ll. Step 1: Be a polar bear. And then there are some other steps.”

L: “Mom. Can you tell the twins’ mom to buy them bananas?”
B: “I could. Did they tell you they need bananas?”
L: “We’ll, no. But I just think they would like them and I think it’s important for mamas to buy food.”

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Lucy Lately

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Me: “Hey, Lulu, what are you doing with all that hay?”
Lucy: “I’m celebrating.”
Me: “Okay. What are you celebrating?”
Lucy: “My birthday.”
Me: “So you want a hay birthday instead of an Angelina Ballerina birthday party?”
Lucy: “Um, no. This is my hay birthday. My pretend hay birthday. That’s all.”

Lucy: “Mom I made a dream last night and it wasn’t scary! It was about iPhones and they had games on them and you let me play them!” [Keep dreamin’, kid.]

[Right this minute]
Lucy: “Hey you wrote Lucy up there.”
Me: “Yes, I did.”
Lucy: “Did you also write water bottle?”
Me: “No.”
Lucy: “Are you writing something about me?”
Me: “Yes. Because you say funny things.”
Lucy: “Can I watch Handy Manny now? The one where he goes to the airport.”

We were at the playground last week and she introduced herself to a few girls her age. They were playing tag and when they switched to “Ring around the Rosie” Landon wanted to join in. But, you know, he doesn’t have any words and he’s a boy. As soon as she sees him standing outside the circle she yells, “Everybody stop! That’s my brudder and he wants to play too.” And then I cried. Seriously. Right there on the playground bench.

[Singing in the back of the van.]
Lucy: “Oh oh oh, you’re my mom. And you’re so big. Oh oh oh. And you keep getting bigger. And you’re my mom.”

Lucy: “Mom, how do you show my friends the pictures I ask you to take?”
Me: “Uh, I put them on the internet…”
Lucy: “Yeah, but how do they see them?”
Me: “Well, I usually put them on Facebook and their moms probably show them.”
Lucy: “Well, how do you take them?”
Me: “Um, there’s this app called Instagram.”
Lucy: “And it let’s you take pictures?”
Me: “Yes.”
Lucy: “Does it make a noise when you push the button?”
Me: “Actually, yes it does.”
Lucy: “And then you send them to the place to show Cassie’s mom?”
Me: “Yeees…”
Lucy: “Okay.”

[Standing on two HotWheels tracks, holding two more as poles.]
Lucy: “I’m trying to ski.”
Me: “Yeah, I see that.”
Lucy: “But I’m not going very fast.”
Me: “I’m sorry.”
Lucy: “I’m just gonna give up.”

[This one is still making me laugh so I’ll include it again.]
So Lucy threw up a few times last night. But the worst part was that she kept apologizing for it and breaking my heart. She seems totally fine otherwise, it’s sort of strange. But as she’s laying in my bed this morning she says, ” There’s no food in my belly [pat, pat] because last night I had a lot of mouth accidents.”

[Looking at the new tile floor Chuck laid in a brick pattern.]
Lucy: “Oooooooooh Mom, you guys made me a hopscotch board to dance on. Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.”

[Balancing pillows on top of each other of the floor.]
Lucy: “Buddy, back up! You’ll ruin my masterpiece!”

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Lucy Lately

I actually have four posts half-written and saved as drafts. But instead I’m going to laugh.

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Lu: ” Mama, is it okay if I teach my baby brother Spanish?”
Me: “Totally.”
Lu: “Okay! Uno, dos, circle, seis.”

[Driving over fresh asphalt.]
Lu: “What is that smell!? It smells like stinky socks. Or cake.”
[Should I, as her cake maker, be insulted? :)]

Lu: “Neighborhood. That’s the place where I live. Neighborhood. That starts with the letter Neigh. Mmmm. And borhood. Yeah. That’s it.

Lu: “Come on Buddy, let’s clean up this mess before Daddy sees it.

[After a Landon meltdown]
Lu: “Heeeey. It’s okay Buddy Boo. I’ll make it better. I’ll pet your hair like this.”

Lu: “Mom. When Christmas comes and it’s Jesus’s birthday and we’re making him a cake I’m pretty sure we should make one that wont make me sick. So I can eat Jesus’s cake. Oh, and I think he wants marshmallows in it.”

Lu: “Um… This… Fell? Into my hands? Because I wanted to play with it even though you told me not to.”

[Stuffing wads of play money into her wallet.]
Lu: “I’m gonna be a mommy. Me and my brudder are playing house.”
Lesson learned: to be a mommy you have to have wads of money.

Lu: “Dear, Jesus. I want to speak Spanish. Help me to teach Buddy Boo to play house. And I want to speak Spanish. And thank you for my friends. And I want to speak Spanish. And I’m going to have a baby sister to wear all my old clothes. And help me speak Spanish. Amen.”

[Lucy has this “pet” squirrel that comes to the window every morning when we’re eating breakfast.]
Lu: “Pet squirrel, I’m gonna buy you a toy for Christmas. You’re gonna have to wait a long time and you’re gonna like it.”

Lu: “Pet Squirrel, I’m gonna build you a cave so you never go away. Or at least so that you come back.”

[Referring to her out of town family.]
Lu: “There are only two cousins in this town.”

[After meeting a new friend.]
Lu: “Mom! There are two Bellas in this town! There’s ‘you’re my best friend and we go to to the Magic House’ Bella and there’s ‘I just met you at church’ Bella’!

Me: “Did you have any good dreams last night?”
Lu: “Yes! I had a dream that I was older and I went to work with Daddy so we could play basketball!”

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Lucy Lately

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These Lucy Lately posts make me laugh a little because Landon is, for the most part, excluded. I feel confident he thinks things we would all find humorous. Landon was always what you’d call a “late talker” but he was doing a great job of mimicking sounds and repeating things after me. You could tell he was trying really hard to make his mouth communicate what his brain was thinking. He was pretty consistent in saying “mama” and “dada” and would randomly say longer or more challenging words like “Jack” or “Poppa”. He said “mil” for milk and that sort of thing. But then, unfortunately, when he had a few seizures last spring he completely stopped talking. So at 22 months we had him tested and his speech was declared to be at a 9 month old’s level. I feel like everyone gives me really sympathetic looks when I tell them that. But I think one of the best ways we can help our children is to not take their [or our] shortcomings so personally. We’re here. We’re doing the best we can. And that’s enough. We’ve been working with our awesome speech therapist on a weekly basis for a couple months now and at almost 27 months he’s back to saying “mama”, he’s significantly increased his sign language vocabulary [which is way better than the grunt shriek he was using to get our attention], and he’s added some sounds back in to his vocab like “ga, ba, ah”. Who would have thought I’d ever get so excited about one syllable sounds. Some days, when Lucy fills any penetrable silence our home might posses I feel a shred of guilt about my quiet one. :) So, there’s a really long explanation for why I only quote one of my children. Yikes!

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Lu: “It is such a beautiful day!”
[swats at mosquito.]
Lu: “Okay. I’m ready to go inside.”

Me: “Lucy, Daddy is putting you to bed tonight. Say good prayers.”
Lu: “Good prayers.”

Lu: “Mom, come sit beside me on this pillow. I left a really big spot for you.”

[coinciding with]…

Lu: “Mom – I need to eat more chocolate so that I can be as big as you.”

Lu: “Moooooooooooom. I want to have Mommy and Lucy time. Play tag with me.”
Me: “Luce, sometimes when mommies have babies in their bellies they need to rest more than usual.”
Lu: “Well, just take him out already!”

[jumps on top of me]
Me: “Lucy, you need to be careful – there’s a baby in my belly and we don’t want to hurt him.”
Lu: “Oh, Mom. He’s fine. He’s sleeping. He thought it was funny. He wants me to do it again.”

Lu: “I did school today. It was really fun. I learned a lot.”
Friend: “What did you learn?”
Lu: “Oh. I don’t know. Mom, what did I learn?”

Lu: “Mom! Did you know a zero and an ‘O’ look the same?!”

Lu: “Mama, let me talk to Mimi. I need to ask her a question.”
[Talking into phone.]
Lu: “Mimi. Mama is going to have a baby. She’s going to go to the hospital to teach the baby how to eat with Daddy and the doctor. And you’re going to take me and Buddy to the playground. Okay? Oh, and then it will be Christmas.”
[thinking…]
Lu: “Mimi. I want Minnie toys for Christmas.”

[Putting on socks]
Me: “Okay, put your toes in.”
Lu: “Did you say cousins? I have cousins… Let me see. Their names are Maddison, Taylor, Pa…”
Me: “No I said put your toes in.”
Lu: “Oh, well I really love my cousins.”

Lu: “Dear God. Jesus Lord God. Jesus Lord God. Jesus Lord God. Amen.”

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Lucy Lately

A few Lucy moments to brighten your mood.

[Looking out the window.] “Thank you, Jesus, for making it stop raining.”

Lu: “I am Ballerina Jesus!”
Me: “Um, do you mean a ballerina for Jesus?”
Lu: “Yes! I am Ballerina For Jesus.”

Me: “Take that costume off, we’ve got to take Landon to the doctor.”
Lu: “Okay!!!!!!!! Buddy you have to go to the doctor so that we can get lollipops!”

[To Landon, while watching a slideshow of pictures] “Buddy, that’s me kissing you when you were a baby. I liked to kiss you ’cause you’re my brudder.”

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[Chuck is outside mowing, Lucy is sitting with her legs criss-cross by the door, whispering.] “Daddy I want to go outside with you. Daddy I want to swing high up in the sky while you work. Daddy I want to go outside with you…”

Newest phrases: “Oh, my!”, “That’s awesome!”, and “It’s okay, Sweetheart.”.

“Bear Bear is my baby sister and she likes to eat cake with me. But then she got something in her eye and I had to take her to the doctor. But he fixed her up.”

[Lucy hiding under some pillows, watching Netflix on the Kindle. I can’t see her but I can hear the Kindle.]
Me: “Uh, Lucy, where are you?
[Pops head up, completely scaring me.]
Lu: “Ummmm, noffing?”

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Me: “Lucy, we need to clean your room today – it’s super messy.”
Lu: “Oh, it’s okay Mom. I’ll just mess it up again.”

[We’re painting and Landon paints a streak down Lucy’s face.]
Lu: “Landon, I am not paper! That is not the right way to share paint!”

Me: “Lucy, why do you watch Barney? What do you like most about him?
Lu: “Angelina Ballerina!”
Me: “No, what do you like most about Barney?
Lu: “Oh Mom, I already told you. Angelina!”

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