Manufacturers and retailers of baby items are to blame for the glamorous view I had of parenting in what is now affectionately referred to as the PK era. Before kids we went to the movie theater. I wandered aimlessly around Target. We stayed at our friends’ houses so late after dinner we’d just sleep over. And then we went on a Spring Break trip and came home with a baby in utero. We were beyond thrilled. We set up registries and had wonderful baby showers. I loved to kick back with the latest Babies ‘R Us catalog and dream the afternoon away. There are no tantrums in the Babies ‘R Us catalog. There is no sass in the Babies ‘R Us catalog. There are no mommies covered in poop. Did y’all know there would be this much poop? On you? But for all of the days you get poop rubbed onto your favorite teal colored skinny jeans, there are snuggles and kisses. There are sweet smiles and tender hearts. It doesn’t balance out because the scales tip so far into the “everything is awesome” range. [Lego movie? Anybody?]
So parenting is gross. And awesome. And sometimes you find yourself saying things that sound just like your parents. Or things you would’ve found so strange PK. Or things you hope the strangers walking by you don’t overhear [or do overhear if it’s a couple teenagers in need of a reality-check].
But sometimes you’re trying to be a good parent. Provide for your child’s needs. And they just make you say the most ridiculous things. You know, like:
Okay, don’t lick me for real though.
Please get your hot dog off my leg.
No. You’re not a fascist, you’re the fastest.
No. Babies do not come out of breasts. Please stop touching me.
Share that piece of trash with your brother. He wants to look at it too.
*False. Parenting is not glamorous. But it is rewarding. It is challenging. And it is crazy beautiful and fulfilling.